Bubbles, Football, and Pygmy Marmosets
by St. Fang of Boredom
Summary: Written for LiveLaughLuv311's contest. Fang spends a day with Ella and her slightly neurotic friends. A perfect example of why Fang doesn't socialize much. Pygmy Marmosets! Don't ask I basically pulled this story out of my sleeve, so here goes nothing!


**Note:** As of 12/19/09 Fanfiction felt the strong need to do some editing to people's stories in the form of deleteing any words with long, repeating letters. So, a character in this story, Tammy, who always speaks so fast that all of her words are practically smushed into one word, had most of her dialogue deleted. The only way I could fix this was to stick random spaces in her dialogue. Please excuse the annoyingness of this.

If you'd like to see this story as it originally was, before the FF Edit, I may be putting up on deviantArt. Link on my profile.

* * *

Hey, my peoples!

Writing a story here for my friend LiveLaughLove311's contest.

Never done a contest before.....

Well, I'm gonna stick the rules here now for two reasons.

1. So you guys know what they are.

2. So I remember them.

* * *

Restrictions:  
- It cannot be rated lemon (or M, for those who don't know what 'lemon' is)  
- It must be a one shot. (SORRY!!)  
- It must have 500-3000 words. (I know, big gap but I wanna give you guys a free reign... Or as free as this will get)  
- Every character must speak at least once  
- A maximum of two OCs, unless they are minor OCs like cashiers.

Words that must be used:  
- Joy  
- Bubbles  
- Ding-dong  
- PIE!!!  
- Fooootball (with all the 'o's)

Phrases/Sentences:  
- "Stupid piece of retarded crap!"  
- "When running is the sole option, you run. When jumping is the sole option, you jump. When fighting is the sole option, you either RUN like hell, or ya FIGHT!"  
- "I'm having one of those girl's days."  
- "I NEED CHOCOLATE!!"

Others:  
- Enter by February 17th (if you're a little late, it is fine...)  
- Submit by March 1st. (Lol, my B-day! -Saint)  
- Advertise this group as much as possible please! XD

* * *

Fang: You're forgetting something......

Me: Oh, thank you, Fangy.

**D-D-D-Disclaima'!:** I don't own Maximum Ride! (Shocker, I know.) And, though I am a proud member, I do not own the most awesome group on the planet, Fanfiction Flock! on Maximum-x, which everyone should join because it's awesome and because one of the rules of this contest is to advertise the groups as much as possible!

Fang: Ok, let's get this over with. I have a feeling you're just going to pull this out of your sleeve, right?

Me: Yep, I have no idea what to do, so I'm just writing the first thing that comes to my little head!

Fang: Beautiful.

* * *

Fang's POV

Ding-Dong!

I sighed. It seemed like Dr. Martinez's house had a constant flow of overly-hyper teens running through it. It was only nine in the morning, and already Ella's friends were here, ringing the doorbell. Seriously, didn't these kids have lives? Don't normal teens sleep in on Saturdays?

I heard Ella open the door and do that happy little squeal she always does when she sees her friends at the door. Ya know, like she didn't just see them yesterday or anything.

Ella came into the living room with her two latest guests. I recognized them from their other visits. There was Matt, who was the typical jock, and Tammy, who _really_ needed ADHD meds. I only knew four other things about these two.

1. Tammy was absolutely in love, no, _lust_ over me.

2. Matt really _really_ liked Tammy.

3. Tammy was totally oblivious to this.

4. Max hated Tammy behind her back.

What a social mess. And people wonder why I'm not that sociable.

Tammy was also unbearably frustrated by the fact that I never seemed intereted in anything she had to say. Why? Well, sometimes what she says is hard to understand...

"Fang! Ohmy GodHeyHow areyouAre youhanging outwithus todayhuh huh huh?!"

See what I mean?

"Come on, Tam, Fang's trying to read." Ella said. "Stop bugging him."

"I'mnotbugginghim,amIFangamIamI?"

I just shrugged. Heck, I didn't know how to answer. I'm not sure of what she said.

"Hey, whatcha reading, Bud?" Matt asked me, sitting next to me on the couch. For some reason, Matt always tried to be, like, my best friend or something. He kept calling me 'Bud'. I kept picturing his head in a noose.

"To Kill a Mockingbird."

"Awesome, Bud. Hey, I killed a bird once hunting with my dad."

"Good for you." I wondered if I should be insulted. He technically killed a relative.

That's when Max came in. Thank God, someone with brains. I pushed over on the couch to make room for her, hoping Matt would move.

It was a futile hope.

"Hey, morning Max."

"Morning, ummmmm...Matt, right?"

"Yeah, you remembered!"

"And Tammy." I saw Max's eyes narrow.

"OhmygoshmorningMax!"

"Morning." She said, placing a hand on mine.

Did I mention Tammy's complete obliviousness to the fact that Max and I were dating?

"So, the three of us are going to go play football today at the park." Ella said. "Wanna come?"

"Fooootball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Matt added loudly. And annoyingly.

Max shook her head. "I don't think so, guys."

"Why?" Ella asked.

"I'm having one of those girl's days."

Did I want to know? Probably not.

"Fang? You want to come?"

I started to shake my head, but was interrupted by some yelling down the hall.

"Stupid piece of retarded crap!" Nudge's voice screamed.

I looked at Max. "Let me guess, Nudge's computer froze again." Nudge had been having problems with her computer lately, and she wasn't happy about it.

"That's what I'm guessing."

"You want to handle it, or should I?"

"I've got it." Max said, standing up. Then, she bent down, gave me a quick kiss, and looked over at Tammy, who, to Max's great annoyance, was busy pulling something out of her purse. She left in a huff.

"Foundit!" Tammy yelled, pulling a small bottle out of her purse. She opened it and pulled out a little stick, which she blew on. Bubbles started floating around the room. She giggled.

Bubbles? Sometimes I wonder if this girl's on drugs.

At that point, Akila and Magnolia came running in, and proceeded to try to eat the bubbles, which, for some reason, _really_ upset Tammy.

"Mybubbles myprettybubbles mybubbles prettybubblesno!"

Matt to the rescue! "I'll stop them!" He said, putting his hands on his hips, Superman-fashion. God, it was hard not to laugh.

He began tring to pull the two dogs away. Key word, trying.

Ella had to jump in to help. "Come on, girls, down!"

Tammy just continued to stand there, screaming incoherently about her bubbles. I, meanwhile, was still trying not to laugh.

Total came running in at that point. "Akila! Magnolia!" Then, he noticed Tammy and Matt. "Uhhh....I mean, woof woof!"

"Don't worry, Tammy's screaming too loudly. They didn't hear you." I said.

Dr. Martinez finally came running in. "What in the world is going on here?!" She looked at me. I just shrugged.

"Mom, call the dogs off!" Ella said.

"Hold on!" Dr. M said. She turned, facing the hall. "Angel! The dogs are attacking!"

Angel came bouncing down the hall, dragging a poor, dirty-looking Celeste by the arm. "Akila! Magnolia!"

Both dogs ran to her side obediently. How does she do it? Second thought, don't wanna know that, either.

As she lead the dogs bac down the hall, Iggy walked in, carrying something in his hands. "What was that all-"

Tammy didn't let him finish. "PIE!!!" she screamed, diving at him.

Luckily, Ella grabbed her. "No, Tammy. That's Iggy's pie."

Anyone notice she talks to her like a three-year-old?

"Hey, Iggy. We just had a dog attack." Ella told him.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, I bet _you_ could've saved us, though."

"Ehhh...maybe."

How can Iggy be so oblivious to Ella's flirting? What is he, blind? Ok, that was a bad phrase to use.

"So, Iggy, you want to come with us today? We're playing football at the park."

"Hey, I want to come!" Gazzy said, running in. "Can I?"

"Well...." Ella started to say. Then, Dr. Martinez gave her the 'come on, he's just a kid, be nice' look.

"Yeah, ok."

"Yesssss!" He said, jumping into the air.

"So, what about you, Iggy?" Ella said, batting her lashes. Did she forget that he was blind, or was that just a habit?

"Nah. I've gotta make a chocolate cake today for Angel's tea party. I promised her."

"I NEED CHOCOLATE!!" Tammy screamed.

I don't know what was more amazing. That her voice could reach that volume, or that I'd actually been able to understand that sentence.

"Tammy, the chocolate's not for you." Ella told her, grabbing her to stop her from jumping hyperly.

"So, let's go!" Gazzy said, running for the door. The others started to follow him. I was going to go back to my book, when Dr. Martinez put a hand on my shoulder.

"Fang, why don't you go along with them?"

For some reason, Dr. Martinez had gotten it in her head that I was not a well-adjusted teenager and needed more socialization. She was constantly trying to get me to hang out with Ella and her friends. The horror.

"I don't really think-"

"Come on now, Fang. It'd be a great bonding experience with Gazzy."

Since when do I need to bond with Gazzy? "Look, Dr. Mar-"

"Pleaseplease pleaseplease pleaseplease pleasecomeFang!" Tammy said, jumping me.

"Hey, I don't want-"

"Don't worry, he's coming." Dr. Martinez said. "Fang, I want you to go and watch Gazzy."

"Can't Ella watch Gazzy?"

"Better two people watching him than one!" She practically pulled me off the couch and hauled me to the door. "Now, out you go!"

Oh, Joy.

* * *

After a ride from Matt in his car that was crazy enough to have me praying to five different Gods and Saint Benedict, we made it to the park. Gazzy and Matt, who had become friends, for some reason, jumped out first. Ella followed them. I had to pull myself out, dragging Tammy, who had attached herself to my arm. I think she would've liked to stay in the back of the car. Not happening.

"Let's get ready to rumble!" Matt yelled out. That's when I noticed him staring at me. No, scratch that, _glaring_ at me. Guess he'd noticed Tammy clinging to my arm.

I had a feeling that this 'fooootball' game could be dangerous to my health.

"Ya know what? I think I'll just watch, ok guys?"

"Fang, come on, don't you want to play?" Ella asked.

"Yeah, _Bud_, play ball." Matt added.

"Yeah, uh, no."

"ThenI'llsitoutwithyouFangy!"

I looked at Ella for help.

"She said she'll sit out with you."

I quickly shook my head. "No, then the teams won't be even. That's why I'm sitting out. To make the teams even." Oh, good lying, Fang!

"Ohokfine." She mumbled, shuffling out to the field.

I took a seat on the grass, pulling my book back out of my pocket. Time to do something intelligent...

I had only gotten through one page when something whacked me on the head. "Ow!"

"Sorry, Bud!" Matt yelled, running to get his ball.

"Whatever." I answered.

One page later...

"Ouch!" The ball had smacked me in the leg.

"SososorryFangIdidn't meanitreally youokor doyouneed helpdoyou doyou?"

"I'm ok, Tam, really." I answered her.

She took the ball and went back on the field.

I was just turning a page....

"Hey!" The ball had knocked my book out of my hand.

"Sorry, Fang." Gazzy said, running to get the ball again.

I just sighed and grabbed my book. What, were they aiming at me?

I had just found my space when...

"Oof."

"Oh my gosh, Fang! I'm sooo sorry!" Ella said, running over.

"'S ok." I wheezed. She had hit me in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me.

"You sure?"

"I think I'll live."

She grabbed the ball and started to run back onto the field, but stopped, looking off to the left. "Fang, do those people over there look familiar to you?"

I looked over and, even though I'd only seen them from far off before, I had a good feeling about who they were. "That's that gang that attacked you when Max saved you."

She nodded. "They're coming this way, aren't they?"

"Yep."

"And they're looking right at us."

"Right again."

"Fang, what do you think we should do?"

"Well, the Flock has a saying, 'When running is the sole option, you run. When jumping is the sole option, you jump. When fighting is the sole option, you either RUN like hell, or ya FIGHT!'"

"Well, what do you suggest we do?"

I looked at the size of the gang. Then, I looked at the size of our group and assesed their potential fighting skills. Or lack thereof.

"We run like hell."

Ella nodded and motioned to the others. "Come on, guys, we need to roll!"

"WhyEllawhy?" Tammy started to ask. But then, she was interrupted.

By gunshots.

"Hit the dirt!" Matt yelled, flinging himself to the ground.

I rolled my eyes, ran out, and pulled him up. "Don't do that! Get in the damn car!" I pushed him toward the car.

At that point, Tammy proved to me that it _is_ possible to be annoying at all times, including times of crisis.

"OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod dandelions OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod OhmyGod!" She kept repeating, jumping up and down. I was fed up with her.

I ran up behind her, grabbed her, and, placing my hand over her mouth, carried her back to the car. Tammy also proved that there_ is_ someone worse than Nudge out there.

Matt, Ella, and Gazzy were already in the car when we got there. The minute we shut the door, Matt hit the gas and we sped off, bullets peppering the back bumper.

For a while it was nothing but people trying to catch their breath and shocked silence. Then...

"Holy Pygmy Marmosets! That was awesome!" Matt exclaimed.

Pygmy Marmosets? Whatever. "What do you mean, awesome?" I yelled.

"Yeah, we could've been killed!" Ella added.

"It was like in the movies!" Matt said excitedly.

"Yeahyeah movieswe weresoawesome Iwishsomeone hadfilmed it!" Tammy was practically hopping in her seat.

"I thought it was kinda scary..." Gazzy said.

"Don't worry, Gaz, that just means you're still sane." I said.

Unlike these two fruitcakes.

* * *

After Matt dropped us off, we went inside and Ella grabbed her phone. "Think I should call the cops?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Probably."

"I'll ask Mom."

"Hey, Ella?" Gazzy asked.

"Yeah?"

"You have weird friends."

She sighed. "Yeah, Gazzy. I know."

* * *

Later that night, I was curled up on the couch next to Max, watching a movie.

"So, Fang, how was your day with Ella and her friends."

I sighed. "Max, I just have two comments about today."

"And they are?"

"I will _never_ hang out with those nuts again."

She laughed. "And?"

"What the hell is a Pygmy Marmoset?"

* * *

Me: I just _had_ to add in the pygmy marmoset.

Fang: What the hell _is_ a pygmy marmoset, anyway?

Me: A kind of monkey, I think. Google it.

Fang: So, we done?

Me: I believe so.

Fang: You satisfied?

Me: I think. I might have been able to do better, but I'm not writing this again. I took me forever.

Fang: Shall we post?

Me: Let's go for it.


End file.
